Well, 23-Apr-2010 I moved from Austin to Norman, OK.  My lease was up in Austin and way too expensive to renew it and not know when I would get a job where I could comfortably afford to live there again.  I moved to Norman because one of my crazy, eccentric best friends, Tonya, said I could live with her and move if I needed to…no lease, no time commitment, and also a pretty decent deal on rent and utilities.  That lasted for about a month..actually I think it was something like 3 weeks. 

I got a job offer in Tulsa, OK as a manager in a lab (which truthfully I had zero experience at, but I took it).  I had to start sometime in May, but had to wait on background check, blah, blah, and blah to go through.  On 15-May I went out with Tonya and my best friend Christin to have a going away party of sorts…it was actually supposed to be a welcome back party, but didn’t work out that way.  So, when Tonya and I got home that night her lunatic ex-boyfriend had broken into her house and was waiting on us…because she wouldn’t answer her phone.  Needless to say, I didn’t sleep at all that night.  I was planning on going home to my parents (about a 3 hour drive) the next day for Mother’s Day. When it was a decent time to drive I loaded up all my shit that I could fit in my car and left…and didn’t plan on coming back without my reinforcements (my parents).  I lived with my parents for a whole week and it was way too much for me.  Seriously, I don’t know how people my age…and even older do it.  Not that they drove me insane or anything, it just felt like I was ostracized.  I found a place in Tulsa, where I would be working, and moved an hour away on 16-May-2010. 

My job at the lab was short-lived.  I had freedom, I worked second shift so I never saw my boss…and during my shift I was the boss.  It was hard, because with working that shift the only people I ever saw while living in Tulsa were the people I worked with…so of course, I made friends with them.  That was a no-no…started drama especially with one crack whore that I just couldn’t bring myself to associate with.  I wouldn’t associate with said person if she were the last person on Earth.  I would hope that she would be on the opposite side of the world from me…not even exaggerating.  I never stopped looking for jobs in Clinical Research…traveling jobs….because I guess misery loves company.  I even considered moving to Warsaw, IN for a job…and I really thought I was going to get that one.  Around that time I decided to move out of the moldy garage apartment that was half a mile from work to an apartment about 10 miles from work…where I lived right under one of my employees.  I used the excuse with my landlord that I was moving for the job that I didn’t get…he bought it and I got my full deposit back.  WINNING! 

Moving by one of my employees didn’t settle well with crack whore…and some of the other employees too.  I finally decided that if I had one more interview that would be my last shot…if I didn’t get the job I would stay where I was or look for another career.  I got that last shot.  In September…less than a month after I moved to the new apartment…I got the job I had been waiting over 7 months for…FINALLY!  There was a catch…I had to move…again!  If you are keeping count that would make 4 moves in less than a year…5 if you count the week at my moms.  I had to take it…I had to get out of hell to move to a lesser, maybe sometimes worse hell. 

I was able to talk my boss into letting me wait until Jan. 1st to move.  I just couldn’t fathom packing up everything and moving it again.  So, when I was in Dallas for business I looked around and found my spot.  From October-December I stayed in Tulsa and flew to Dallas at least once a week…because 90% of my work is in Dallas.  I wish I could remember some of the horror stories from that stent, but nothing comes to mind at the moment.  I moved on Jan. 2nd and haven’t had to travel too much since the move…since only 10% of my work is in Oklahoma. 

I did travel today…nothing too exciting happened.  I actually had a pretty good flight…two young military boys sat next to me.  I had my iPod in but still listened to their conversation.  The guy sitting next to me was scared of flying…but not as much that flight as the one before.  The guy in the aisle seat jumped when the wings shifted as we were landing.  It’s not as exciting when I just fly from Dallas to OK.  Thats only one flight, and its usually less than an hour.  Not sure how I’m going to find material.  There are the occasional flights that will go from Dallas Love to Houston and then on to OKC or Tulsa (the only two locations in OK you can really fly into).  I almost booked one once just to change things up….thankfully I thought twice about that one.

Monday wasn’t great.  I felt fine on my flight to Salt Lake City until we were about to land and then started having stomach cramps.  By the time that I got on my plane to St. George I felt like shit.  I was breaking out in a cold sweat and had a horrible headache.  After we got in the air I moved to the back of the plane because nobody was sitting in the last row.  I started feeling a little better but was freezing.  When we finally landed I felt fine.  Weird, but very glad that it had passed.  All except the headache.  Then, Monday night I couldn’t sleep.  I woke up in a panic several times during the night because I thought that all of my sites had been administering expired drugs to the subject (which they had not).  This was just a sign of things to come…a somewhat psychic message.

I woke up early on Tuesday so I could get on the elliptical and burn off the bad feeling I had from the night before.  Little did I know what was truly waiting ahead for me that day. 

Everything seemed to be going well at the site that I have deemed my “troublemaker”…at first.  I save the worst case scenario for last.  When I inspected the drug storage areas I saw that they didn’t have the device on the freezer which alarms if the temperature goes out of range.  GREAT!  The did have one on the fridge, but she didn’t know what study it was for.  The freezer situation is a pretty big deal.  It cannot be determined if the drug that has been stored in it has been damaged due to temperature instability. 

After dealing with the site I made appropriate calls and hurried to lunch at Olive Garden so I could get a glass of vino to drink off steam that had built.  Had I been a smoker, a carton would probably be necessary.  I got my wine and hurried to the airport to make my flight.  The airport sucks.  They don’t even have a gift shop…so you know they don’t have a bar.  It’s one of those rinky dink airports that don’t even open the security area until its almost time to board.  They had us all go through security, and then wait in the “terminal”.  The wait was longer than usual and our plane still had not arrived.  A gate attendant announced that our flight was cancelled and that we would all need to exit so we could be rebooked….this was at 230.  Fucking great.

I stood in line behind five people for about 30 minutes before they started dealing with me…only to find out that I wouldn’t be able to get back to Austin that night.  The alternative was landing in San Antonio at 1151pm and then getting a rental car and driving the hour and a half to Austin.  I said okay, fine, I guess that will have to do.  They rebooked me and then I got on the phone with my travel agency only to find that there were no rental cars in San Antonio.  There was no way that they could get me back to Austin in time to catch my flight to LA the next morning.  So, what do we do instead?  Fly me straight to LA. 

Thankfully, the flight to LA wasn’t delayed and I got there at a reasonable time.  What I hate about LAX is the waiting for baggage, and then the waiting for rental car shuttle.  I opted to stay at the Courtyard LAX so I wouldn’t have to drive to Long Beach.  Glad that I made that decision.

Now, its Wednesday, the day that I was originally supposed to fly to LA.  I did some work from my room and then did some shopping to buy clothes that I didn’t have for my visit the next day.  Namely, undergarments.  Most of the day was fine.  I had to deal with the situation from the site the day before for most of the day via telephone…but I didn’t let it get to me.  After shopping and lunch I checked into my Long Beach hotel and tried to get connected on my computer so I could do some work before going out on my run.  I tried many times unsuccessfully, called the tech guys, and then they ended up calling a maintenance guy up to fix the problem.  He was in and out of my room for like an hour.  I always have connection issues at this hotel, and I let them know when I called to bitch about not being able to connect.  I think thats why I didn’t get billed for it this time…not that I care, it doesn’t come out of my pocket.

After I was finally able to check my emails I headed out for my run.  It was already getting dark, and the area that I parked at said that the parking closed at dusk and opened at dawn.  So, needless to say, I was stressed during my run…trying to hurry through it so that I wouldn’t get a ticket..or towed.

I got back to my car relieved to see that it was still there.  I got in and fired up the engine and headed to Whole Foods to get dinner.  This ended up being the worst decision that I could have made.  When leaving, a car decided to back up at the same time that I was…and backed up right into the side of my rental car…a red Mustang convertible.  Fucking GREAT!  Not something I wanted to be dealing with right now…thats for sure.

Since I was in a rental car, and we are covered through our corporate card and not our personal insurance, I had to file a police report.  I found this out after I left the scene.  I only left because the lady that hit me was being stupid saying that she needed to leave because her kids were crying.  When I got back to the lot she was still there.  I asked her if she had decided to call the police or what the hell she was doing there and she said that she was trying to calm the kids before taking off.  I called the cops to come out then and while on the phone with them her husband shows up.  Not sure about that situation, but okay.  After the police arrived she came over still holding her son.  He was really being a whiney little brat.  He pulled on the top of her shirt and out pops her boob…only for him to stuff in his mouth.  What the hell!  If the kid is old enough to know that if he is hungry he can suck on the tit…he does NOT need to be doing it.  The husband had argued that the cops would not come for this…well, no one cop didn’t come, but three did.  One of the cops tried to hand her ID back to her as she was “breast-feeding” her 10 year old.  You could tell that he felt a little awkward about it…poor guy.  After what seemed like forever I was able to finally go back to my hotel and eat my dinner.

Okay, so now Thursday…and the day that I’m finally able to get back to Austin (hopefully).  I woke up early to get on the elliptical and treadmill to burn off steam from the night before.  Everything went great with my first site visit of the day and I breathed a very premature sigh of relief.  I went to lunch after the visit and then headed to the next visit before going to the airport.

The next visit was pretty much the equivalent of Tuesday’s.  They did have the devices on both the refrigerator and freezer, but they were all expired.  One device on the freezer was alarmed, one wasn’t.  The refrigerator was a different story.  There were four devices, but three were turned off.  One device was on and showed an alarm.  Great!  The department that I handles this type of thing was gone for the day.  I told the site to just hold off with enrolling subjects until they hear otherwise and I was going to call the office first thing in the morning.  The obliged, thankfully.

I so didn’t want to deal with this…especially since this site is the study’s highest enroller.  I headed back to the airport to deliver a once perfect car back to them a wrecked mess.  I didn’t know how much shit National would give me when returning so I got there super early.  They didn’t give me shit at all, surprising.  I got to the AA terminal with three hours to kill before my flight.  I headed for the Chili’s bar and drank my sorrows away.  I became pretty chipper after my first glass.  I met a guy originally from Ireland, now lives in London.  He gave me contact information for a lawyer in NYC…which is crazy since I happen to have a product in mind and need a patent…and I’m going to NYC on the 17th.  I chatted with the guy for a while, and heard that my flight had changed gates.  It was getting about time for my plane to board so I went to the gate…delayed for another hour.  I was supposed to get home at 1135 the way that it was.  Now it was going to be closer to 1.  I was so glad to finally be in my seat, even though it seemed like I was in my seat for about an hour before the plane departed. 

I got home and crashed…decided to fuck most of my work duties on Friday and sleep in until 10 so I could deal with the site mess from the day before…since my 10 o’clock is their 8 o’clock.  I dealt with that and slept the rest of the day. 

Last week taught me a lot of things…if I never have another week again like last I have had a pretty good life and can’t bitch about it.  I can’t bitch about a slight delay, a loud seatmate, a bitchy flight attendant.  Wrecks and displacements are a much bigger stresser.  What is needed in those cases…an IV bag full of your alcohol of choice…with a fast release drip!

I was just flying from Austin to Kansas City, but it took 5 hours.  No, I could not drive here in that amount of time…but it should have only taken 2 hours flying time and less than an hour layover to get here.  Everything went smoothly leaving Austin, surprisingly since it was raining.  My boss even warned me that I would probably never get to Kansas City since it was raining in Austin and DFW.  Well, I guess I optimistically thought that everything would go well with the entire trip.  The first thing that went wrong was that I was stuck sitting next to a girl that thought that she was so cool because she was Platinum and couldn’t believe that they didn’t bump her up to First Class.  No, I didn’t talk to this thing beside me…I overheard while she was talking loudly to someone on her cell.  I tried desperately to lose myself in a book, but I think that I had the wrong pick (Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher, dont recommend it…most waste of time ever, even more so than a root canal)…or she was just that loud.  I was glad when it was time to power down electronics and knew I didn’t have to worry about her talking to me, because she was “that good”.  The rest of the flight was uneventful and got off the plane and on my way to my gate in plenty of time. 

When I was in my terminal I saw that the flight was slightly delayed…so I was able to get dinner at Au Bon Pain.  I still felt like I had to shovel it down because I just knew that my flight would be boarding soon and I had to use my Priority Access (not really).  After eating I saw that it was even more delayed so went searching for something good to drink, and no not alcohol (that was a mistake) because I had to do my “run” when I arrived in Kansas City.  I finally sat at the gate and finished that godforsaken book and was glad to put it away.  Why I destroyed my brain with that clutter, I can never be sure.  All in all the flight was delayed around 2 hours. 

We finally boarded and I was glad that I was in a row of 3 with one other person, and the middle seat empty…me by the window.  Now this is the optimal seating arrangement.  Unluckily there was a guy a couple rows up that was very loud, most likely because he didn’t have his hearing aide turned up.  He reminded me a little of Jack Nicholson, in a less child molester way.  He would not shut up for the entire flight…someone should have slipt a  pre=”a “>roofie in his drink.  I would have, had I been sitting close enough.  I thought about converting my pen into a slingshot…but again, unluckily didn’t have a roofie. 

We finally get to Kansas City, at 10PM…only 2.5 hours after we were supposed to.  I just hoped that I would get my luggage soon and get to my car and hopefully not have a long drive to the hotel.  My cards were just not in favor of me tonight.  The baggage claim was fine at first, but that was before my luggage arrived.  The fucking conveyor belt broke and the little baggage lady crawled down to throw the bags that were on the belt up into the carousel…the rest of us had to wait for them to transport the bags to the next carousel.  Finally an hour later I have my damn bag and find that I have to take a freakin shuttle to get my car.  By the time I get to the cars I’m exhausted and ready for some z’s.  I found a car I liked, but it had nasty rags on the dashboard.  Not about to drive that…so had to find another one.  Finally settled on a car and was on my way. 

In the process of the delays, etc. my cell phone died and I had no lifeline.  My grandma freaked out thinking that I had offed myself due to the stresses I’ve been under with work.  What THE hell?  I call her as I’m trying to figure out where the hell I’m going, but before I know it I’m at my hotel.  Her rambling made the 20 minute drive go by a little faster than it probably would have under other conditions.

I get to my hotel and can’t figure out where I’m supposed to park, so I go to a garage across the street.  When I get back up to street level I see that there are 2 Marriotts.  Okay, which one do I go to??  I went for the one that was farther away, because thats how it usually goes…but luckily I was right.  I had to later move my car into their garage, but didn’t have to pay for the first one so that was at least good.

After I settle into my room I tried to figure out the details about the fitness center.  It was one of those godforsaken independently not so managed shitholes they like to call a Health Club.  The freaking thing closed at 10 and it was already close to midnight.  Well, thats great.  My plans fell through as always.  Instead I called it a night and set my alarm for plenty of time of “running” in the morning.

It really started last weekend.  I was doing it up college style for my alma maters homecoming…with 4 of my best friends from college.  We stayed up late, 4 girls to one hotel room…you know how the rest goes.  The weekends I save for catching up on the sleep that I don’t get during my week of traveling.  Not so last weekend.  I got back home Monday night and still had a lot of work to do to get ready for my trip the next morning.  I had to fly from Austin to California and back in the same day…leaving at 6 am and getting back well after 11.   I’m not sure what I was on at the time that I thought it was a good idea.  Tuesday wasn’t too bad.  I was able to get there, get my work done, and back to the airport early enough to get on the next flight to DFW.  The flight I was supposed to be on was delayed and I would have missed my connection..thankfully it wasn’t one of those days that I got to the airport at the last second.  I’m known for walking up to my gate as they are doing the airlines version of last call.  I wore heals all day long.  Since I didn’t pack overnight bag I didn’t bring any shoes to change into, and my dress pants were too long to not wear heals anyway.  Big mistake.  My feet were killing me to the point that chopping them off would be a relief.  I was able to get on the next flight out of DFW to Austin and made it back home a full 20 minutes earlier than I would have.  I decided to pick up a bottle of wine on my way home, but was too tired to drink it once I was able to crack it open.  As soon as I walked in the door I made a beeline for the couch to take off my shoes and dress socks….my right foot was swollen beyond recognition.  It looked like my foot and ankle belonged to a 500 pound woman.  I touchd it and it didn’t feel real.  My left foot was fine.  The only thing that I could think of was that the sprain that I had diagnosed myself with the week before had not completely healed.  I did all of the typical edema remedies and it still remained the next morning (Wednesday) when I had to get up for a 645am flight. 

Not so much sleep equalled a very cranky traveler.  I couldnt wait to get on the plane to sleep again.  I couldnt fit into any shoes that even resembled business casual so I had to settle for crocs.  The crocs barely fit my right foot…it was THAT big.  I finally got on the plane to Charleston, SC and was already pissed about the day ahead of me.  I had exit row seats on both segments of my flight.  On the flight to my layover in Atlanta I asked the flight attendant for a bag of ice for my foot.  When she brought it to me she asked if I was really able to perform the duties of an exit row traveler.  “Listen here bitch, do you not see I need the extra leg room for my cankle?  Not only that, but when do we EVER need to open the door?”  Thats what I wanted to say, but to avoid questioning by TSA and every other airline-type agency I shook my head and gave her the evil eye.  I fully intended on snoozing an almost 3 hours as we made our way to ATL, but instead I was stuck sitting next to a chunky monkey that somehow couldn’t keep her body to itself.   I kept getting kicked or jabbed and I was as far up to the window as I could get.  Any closer to the window and I would be outside of the damn plane.  Somehow I dozed off between all of the beating, but she woke me up everytime she moved.  At one point I thought there was tuberulance, but then I realized she was just trying to put on her jacket.  That was a huge relief because I was imagining our plane dropping from the sky. 

We finally arrived in ATL and I drunkily made it to the terminal miles away to catch my Charleston flight.  I didn’t have to wait long to board and was in a row all to myself.  I slept like a coma patient for that flight.  I got to Charleston and had a couple hours until my site visit so I was able to take my time getting my car and luggage and finding lunch.  I still had an hour after lunch and called the site to see if I could come early.  Thankfully they let me.  After my site visit was over I still had to drive 4.5 hours to freakin Raleigh/Durham, NC.  After 6 hours of sleep combined the last two nights.  This was dangerous, but I was catching my 1,000th wind by then so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

I finally got to Durham, NC and checked into my hotel.  After I got into my room I assessed my foot and it was downgraded from a 500 pounder to a 300 pounder.  My nurse friends told me that I needed to wrap it to compress the swelling out….like I had an ace bandage in my back pocket!  I went by the grocery store to pick up an ace bandage, ibuprofen, and a bottle of wine…actually I got a case of those 4 little bottles that are equivalent to a bottle of wine.  I headed back to the hotel to get the wrap on and elevate that monsterous creature that could not be my foot and ankle.  and popped some pills.  I started out with two of the little bottles of wine and before I knew it I had downed all 4.  I was able to get lots of sleep after that.  That night I got 14 hours of much needed sleep before pretty much getting kicked out of the damn hotel.  Okay Marriott…not staying with you anymore, if thats how you treat your elite members. 

After my visit it was smooth sailing.  I was done in plenty of time to look around Raleigh before going to the airport.  I had first class seats on my flight to ATL and then ATL to Austin.  More wine coming my way…and for free.  I thought I was going to have my own row again on the way to ATL, but a guy took the seat moments before the door was closed.  He kept to himself mostly…that is until we were about to land and he asked if my crocs were comfortable.  What the hell?  Why would you comment on my crocs?!  I bitterly answered him by saying that they were but not when elephantitis has engulfed your ankle.  Then he had to tell me about his lifelong battles with sprains and couldn’t believe I didn’t tape mine before running.  Whatever dude.  Went back to reading my book that he rudely interrupted me from.  On that flight I had a few glasses of wine and it didn’t really hit me until I stood up.  When I was in the terminal everything seemed a blur.  I’m not sure if it was from reading without my glasses…or the wine.  I’m sure a combination was more likely.  I still had two hours before my flight to Austin.  I got dinner, made some calls, everything I could do to make the time go by quickly.  Finally time to board and I was able to finish my book and get more wine.  Sleep was overrated at this point.  The flight attendant was so annoying and wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone.  Can’t he tell that I’m reading and blocking out all of the excess noise with my iPod?  I ordered a few glasses of wine, but I still had to make sure I would be able to drive through the haze the wine casted down upon me, but waiting on luggage is a buzz kill so I didnt have to worry. 

Finally, getting home at midnight on Thursday my hellish week was pretty much over.  I slept in on Friday and snuck into the office around 2pm.  3 hours of work to do and it would be the weekend…one hour of which was spent catching up with a co-worker. 

I have learned that the best way to deal with the complications derived from traveling is alcohol.  Not only does it help with the swelling, since it is a diuretic and all…but it also calms the voices that tell me to gouge out the chunky monkeys eyes, kick the flight attendant in the face, or to tell the annoying first class attendant to shut the fuck up. 

Until next week…who knows what it will bring.